Thursday, August 19, 2010

Very stressed by Kelly

Jake made this for me. The dresser.
I have two relationships. One with Jake, one with work. I am at work way more than I am with Jake. I think about work way more than I think about Jake. The other day during a little chat with my boss he said, "Jake doesn't work for me. You do." Which made me think well, I am married to Jake, not to you. (You meaning the job). So if I'm not married to the job why am I so obsessed with it? I work long hours. I work most days. I haven't been to Seattle with Jake in 8 months. I spend any time I have at home stressing that I might have messed something up at work. Or thinking about the website I have worked on for 7 months. I end up sitting on the couch just thinking about work and ignoring Jake.

I don't know if he minds. I haven't asked him. He has been hard at work working, and then hard at work building me a bathroom and new bedroom. I go to work, then come home and watch tv and stress. Then I stress about stressing. I have horrible anxiety about our trip to Seattle. I don't want to be away from work for that long.

Don't get me wrong. I NEED a vacation. He needs to get home to see his family. But I will just stress the entire time. I will just think about work the whole time. I need to learn how to turn my brain off.

Please don't think I'm complaining. I'm not. At all. I really enjoy my job. I love the power. I like that I can jump behind the bar and make a few extra hundred bucks. The weird thing is I don't even have a stressful job. I have great coworkers and I'm lucky to have a great boss. I'm putting all this stress on myself because I like to be perfect. Not sure where this work ethic came from. I sure didn't have it in school. Anyone else out there married to anything besides their husbands? Kelly

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